Love, Life and Being Okay with Being Alone
On this blog I write a whole ton about photography, a whole ton about photoshoots, weddings, editing and business ventures.
Since the events of early this year, I've not felt like being open about romantic relationships and it's been nice to take my online-heart of my sleeve for now, almost a year.
Between April '07 - Feb '10 I received SO many emails from you guys, telling me that my story had inspired you to give your own long distance relationships a go, that they had new hope in love, that they re-learned to appreciate their boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands being so close by.
Reading those emails gave ME hope in return, some made me chuckle, some made me sad, but mostly and more than anything those emails gave me an overwhelming feeling of support and community that was a rock for me when I came back to the UK this February.
It's weird writing about this, and I hope I'm not crossing any lines in doing so. What I want to do with this blog post is to talk about the struggles that come with becoming single, and staying that way despite the loneliness. I've received a few emails from people, asking for my help, and how to cope;
"I try to be happy as I was before - (the girl with a heart made of stone, you know). But sometimes when I'm alone I just think about how much I miss him and I just want to see him for 5 seconds just to give him a hug and it brings me nearly to tears. Is there anything that I can do? What's wrong with him? He says, he misses me. But does he really? Rosie, I feel sad because I can't move my little self on and just ask him a simple question like, ''what do you feel after all?'' or ''Do you still think we can make it?'' Maybe I'm just afraid of his answer."
So I figured I'd share a blog post on my thoughts on love, relationships, guys and singledom (and how awesome it is)
For me, I have ALWAYS been a re-bounder. I've always had some guy to like, some romantic relationship brewing somewhere. But this time, I haven't.
There have been a few dates in my 10months of singledom, but more often than not, I've been alone, nothing brewing, and it's been a shock to my system. There have been times where I felt like I needed a boyfriend NOW, like I was going to be alone forever, that maybe I wasn't capable of being loved and other melodramatic, sweeping statements.
Luckily those moments were fleeting and in the darker times, but even when I had bounced back up there was this aching I felt for the first 7months, like I was missing something.
My life felt like it was waiting for a knight in shining amour to stroll into it, like Prince Charming would be sat waiting in the pub for me (hilarious story for another time, this actually happened).
Being Okay with Being Single
Step 1) This is going to sound cliched, silly and kinda rubbish. But music has helped me SO much. Listening to the words of people who've been there, felt that, done that, written a song about it - it made all my feelings okay.
I also kinda listened to them in healing order. Here's a selection of songs that really helped, in the order I listened to them, and a cut of the lyrics:
I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
So it's Christmas time, it's been three years.
And someone else is knitting things for your ears.
I have come to learn I'll only see you
interrupting my dreams at night
And that's alright. And that's alright. And
that's alright. And that's alright.
I should tell you that you were my first love.
And it's alright. And it's alright. And it's alright.
Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in
Oh this has gotta be a good life
This has gotta be a good life
This could really be a good life, good life
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man now i'm really living
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
And finally:
This video changed me alot. I love being alone, so much. When I was i the US I would randomly take off, storm out, headphones in and just walk. I remember once walking to a deserted parking lot, just lying on the ground, and looking up. I stayed there for about two hours, just being alone, finally. I craved it. I still do. I feel alive when I am alone. Introverted, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
This video gave me the jolt I needed to get rid of my inner urge for a relationship, my inner urge for love.
Because at the end of the day, the only person we're going to be dealing with for certain our entire lives is ourselves.
And forget "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else" - even that phrase itself still freaking talks about love like it is necessary for a person. It's not. I NEEDED to realize that.
Having someone love me, getting married, having kids and living happily ever after will never make me a complete person.
What makes me a complete person is loving being alive, and learning to embrace and celebrate every damn part of that, WHATEVER my circumstances are. I say hell yeah.
This is not a case of being an "independent woman", "not needing a man" to be happy and learning to love myself so that my next relationship can be healthy.
This is a case of mental survival against any odds life throws at me, and regardless of what happens in my love life to come, I want to be happy in LIFE.
And with that, I leave you my current song:
I kind of veered off point a little there and wrote a loooottt more than I planned on writing, but for those who have asked me for dating advice, here is the advice I swear by.
It is also why I am still single.
(but I see this as a good thing)
RULES:
1. I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
2. I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
3. I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
4. I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
5. I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
6. I will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future.
7. I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
8. I will not date a man who is married.
9. I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
I pinched all of these from this book:
He's Just Not That Into You
This is my bible of dating. Since February I have just about followed this to a T. And it's all good - learning to know when a guy just isn't into me has just about set me free!
When I was younger I would usually get pretty upset if a guy didn't want to date me, or gave me hot and cold signals, or didn't call (i sound like i'm writing the blurb haha), but now I have no problem with it - and I say 'more power to ya' to the blokes who don't want a serious relationship (but are a'okay with trying to get their wicked way!! :P Keyword here is 'trying').
It's cool, I don't mind at all - you're young, go enjoy your life and have fun. I'm not invested until I'm invested. No hard feelings. :o)
Happy days people - if you made it through to the end, I'm impressed!!
On this blog I write a whole ton about photography, a whole ton about photoshoots, weddings, editing and business ventures.
Since the events of early this year, I've not felt like being open about romantic relationships and it's been nice to take my online-heart of my sleeve for now, almost a year.
Between April '07 - Feb '10 I received SO many emails from you guys, telling me that my story had inspired you to give your own long distance relationships a go, that they had new hope in love, that they re-learned to appreciate their boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands being so close by.
Reading those emails gave ME hope in return, some made me chuckle, some made me sad, but mostly and more than anything those emails gave me an overwhelming feeling of support and community that was a rock for me when I came back to the UK this February.
It's weird writing about this, and I hope I'm not crossing any lines in doing so. What I want to do with this blog post is to talk about the struggles that come with becoming single, and staying that way despite the loneliness. I've received a few emails from people, asking for my help, and how to cope;
"I try to be happy as I was before - (the girl with a heart made of stone, you know). But sometimes when I'm alone I just think about how much I miss him and I just want to see him for 5 seconds just to give him a hug and it brings me nearly to tears. Is there anything that I can do? What's wrong with him? He says, he misses me. But does he really? Rosie, I feel sad because I can't move my little self on and just ask him a simple question like, ''what do you feel after all?'' or ''Do you still think we can make it?'' Maybe I'm just afraid of his answer."
So I figured I'd share a blog post on my thoughts on love, relationships, guys and singledom (and how awesome it is)
For me, I have ALWAYS been a re-bounder. I've always had some guy to like, some romantic relationship brewing somewhere. But this time, I haven't.
There have been a few dates in my 10months of singledom, but more often than not, I've been alone, nothing brewing, and it's been a shock to my system. There have been times where I felt like I needed a boyfriend NOW, like I was going to be alone forever, that maybe I wasn't capable of being loved and other melodramatic, sweeping statements.
Luckily those moments were fleeting and in the darker times, but even when I had bounced back up there was this aching I felt for the first 7months, like I was missing something.
My life felt like it was waiting for a knight in shining amour to stroll into it, like Prince Charming would be sat waiting in the pub for me (hilarious story for another time, this actually happened).
Being Okay with Being Single
Step 1) This is going to sound cliched, silly and kinda rubbish. But music has helped me SO much. Listening to the words of people who've been there, felt that, done that, written a song about it - it made all my feelings okay.
I also kinda listened to them in healing order. Here's a selection of songs that really helped, in the order I listened to them, and a cut of the lyrics:
I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
So it's Christmas time, it's been three years.
And someone else is knitting things for your ears.
I have come to learn I'll only see you
interrupting my dreams at night
And that's alright. And that's alright. And
that's alright. And that's alright.
I should tell you that you were my first love.
And it's alright. And it's alright. And it's alright.
Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in
Oh this has gotta be a good life
This has gotta be a good life
This could really be a good life, good life
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor
And cry your guts out 'til you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man now i'm really living
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
And finally:
This video changed me alot. I love being alone, so much. When I was i the US I would randomly take off, storm out, headphones in and just walk. I remember once walking to a deserted parking lot, just lying on the ground, and looking up. I stayed there for about two hours, just being alone, finally. I craved it. I still do. I feel alive when I am alone. Introverted, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
This video gave me the jolt I needed to get rid of my inner urge for a relationship, my inner urge for love.
Because at the end of the day, the only person we're going to be dealing with for certain our entire lives is ourselves.
And forget "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else" - even that phrase itself still freaking talks about love like it is necessary for a person. It's not. I NEEDED to realize that.
Having someone love me, getting married, having kids and living happily ever after will never make me a complete person.
What makes me a complete person is loving being alive, and learning to embrace and celebrate every damn part of that, WHATEVER my circumstances are. I say hell yeah.
This is not a case of being an "independent woman", "not needing a man" to be happy and learning to love myself so that my next relationship can be healthy.
This is a case of mental survival against any odds life throws at me, and regardless of what happens in my love life to come, I want to be happy in LIFE.
And with that, I leave you my current song:
I kind of veered off point a little there and wrote a loooottt more than I planned on writing, but for those who have asked me for dating advice, here is the advice I swear by.
It is also why I am still single.
(but I see this as a good thing)
RULES:
1. I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
2. I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
3. I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
4. I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
5. I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
6. I will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future.
7. I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
8. I will not date a man who is married.
9. I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
I pinched all of these from this book:
He's Just Not That Into You
This is my bible of dating. Since February I have just about followed this to a T. And it's all good - learning to know when a guy just isn't into me has just about set me free!
When I was younger I would usually get pretty upset if a guy didn't want to date me, or gave me hot and cold signals, or didn't call (i sound like i'm writing the blurb haha), but now I have no problem with it - and I say 'more power to ya' to the blokes who don't want a serious relationship (but are a'okay with trying to get their wicked way!! :P Keyword here is 'trying').
It's cool, I don't mind at all - you're young, go enjoy your life and have fun. I'm not invested until I'm invested. No hard feelings. :o)
Happy days people - if you made it through to the end, I'm impressed!!
