"The Grass Isn't Always Greener On The Other Side"

First Aid Kit - King of the World | Listen for free at bop.fm

A year ago today I made a decision that changed my life. I was curled up in a ball, crying like a baby; hating that I was being torn from the cosy womb of routine and comfort. I could see the light but I did NOT want to follow it.

Kissing goodbye to my plans, I looked around my room for the last time. Leaving behind someone who had been the main ingredient in the layers of my happiness lasagne for 3 years was gut wrenching and heart bending. My arms ached for my best friend, but my mind ached for More.

More life, more love, more happiness, more adventure... there had to be more.

One thing that sticks to me about that time, was something my then next-door neighbour said to me in the days before I left.

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side, Rosie"

He meant it with care and warmth, but it did strike a little bolt of lightning fear inside of me. What if I never found anyone as awesome as Him? What if no one made me laugh like that, what if nobody else was as accepting of my flaws? I knew the meadow I was leaving was pretty damn green, even if there were a few cow-pats and mole hills that sometimes looked like mountains from far off. I left anyway.

What I learned, was that the goal isn't to be in the greener meadow on the other side. You don't need to claim someone else's meadow to be happy. The goal is to pack a backpack, and enjoy the hike until you find a meadow your own, to plant your own grass and nourish it how you see fit. To rub your eyes and look in amazement at the beautiful earth that lets us live here on borrowed time (and try not to topple over at how incredible it all is) instead of just focusing on the colour of the damn grass.

Maybe it's not just the greenness of the grass beneath you. The skies I'm under are so much bluer now, storms are rare and the scenery I've seen on the journey is incredible. I've passed through Barcelona and New York, skateboarded through the streets (with a little too much alcohol in my bloodstream) and driven with the roof down and my hands flailing, singing at the top of my lungs! Who knows where my feet will take me next - hopefully California and Europe, they feel pretty good right now.

I had an uncomfortable birth filled with complications. It was bloody, raw and painful as fuck. My initial vulnerability has gone - I can't remember where I shed it. But as painful as my birth was, the life that followed is rich in adventure, joy and dancing around the living room with my cat.

"Once you asked me, what's my biggest fear? That everything would remain so unclear?

That one day I'd wake up all alone, with a big family and emptiness deep in my bones. That I would be so blinded, and turn a deaf ear... and that my fake laugh would suddenly sound sincere. I wasn't born for anything, I'm just here now and soon I'll be gone. I'm nobody's 'baby', but I'm everybody's girl - I'm the Queen of Nothing, but I'm King of the World."

Alone

Alone

Tonight, I am alone.
I get home,
and hang my thoughts
Those neat constellations
trapped inside that old closet mind;
released
and sprayed into chaos, confetti
a party for One.

The world unspins itself
Slower, slower now
Maybe I could drown for a while
in that sweet sugar water
Or lose my voice to those
who got stuck inside that box.
No.

My thoughts simmer and stew
Until cooked, through and through
Outside, the rain taps on my windows,
the wind howls with glee
Perfect company
The universe, myself and me

Tonight; I am alone, honey.

I'm home.

10 Things Every Woman In Her Late Twenties Should Know

I like the internet. It's a cool place. Not only has it birthed me a career, but it's introduced me to some pretty epic people who I call my friends, and taught me a whole lot about life, love and everything inbetween. Beneath my fingertips lies millions of minds, all sharing their own perspective, knowledge and creativity. It's pretty awesome.

The internet is also home to cool articles, and I stumbled upon this one today: 

27 Things Every Woman In Her Late Twenties Should Know

I ain't gonna lie, I clicked. I clicked with excitement, and I'm not ashamed. 

Being in my early twenties, I was kinda hoping to be able to pinch some wisdom for myself, check in with my late-twenties female counterparts and see what I'm aiming for, here.

I was disappointed. No offence, but that list is weak and feeble and does our wonderful female brains and lives no justice whatsoever. I'm pretty sure that this vital knowledge is not what most ladies are proud of knowing after almost three decades on this incredible planet...? Right? 

ANYWAY.

So instead of bitchin', here's my own list

. 

10 Things Every Woman In Her 20's Should Know

1. We are all hangin' out on a teeny tiny rock floating in a space which is so vast and large our minds can't comprehend it. But we're not teenagers anymore, ladies, so let's try and comprehend it:

"The diameter of the Milky Way is 100,000 light years. A light year is the distance light travels in a year. Considering light can travel around the Earth seven times in a second, a light year is a mind-bogglingly large distance. It would take our fastest spacecraft 18,000 years to travel one light year. And with the Milky Way, we’re talking about 100,000 of them." - Mind boggling facts about stars, Wait But Why

Let's bear in mind that The Milky Way is one of billions of galaxies, and that it's estimated that for every grain of sand in every desert and on every beach on Earth, there are around 10,000 stars. Gulp.

So let's all take a few minutes to bask in our unfathomable insignificance and let our eyes widen at the fact that we can see, interpret and enjoy the ridiculous stroke of chance - and feel lucky that we have been granted a few years to spend on this awesome random place in space. COOL. Or y'know, think about your facial cleansing regime. Whichever.

2. Every lady in her twenties needs to be familiar with another awesome female from history. And even though this is recent history, my chosen female to obsess with and aspire to (without the ending) is Sylvia Plath.

Sylvia Plath was an incredible writer, author, poet. Here's a summary of her life. She fell in love and married poet Ted Hughes, got cheated on a ton, and managed to channel her grief into some of the most beautiful combinations of words and visions that I've ever read. Sadly, she attempted suicide for the 3rd time in 1963, aged 30, and succeeded.

3. Society is a social construct, and you don't have to live life the way you are told to. Question everything. Make your own rules.

4. Every single person has good within them. Most people are really good people, kind and caring. They have families, people they love, friends they adore, cats they dance around their living rooms with. Even the murderers and people filled with the smallest percentage of good, still have good. As a race, we need to focus on this. Amplify the good you see in people, do not dwell on the bad.

5. We are more than our weight. It's no use being thin, fat, or anything in between if you're not satisfied with yourself. You have one body, and it's yours to carry your beautiful soul through this world. Your soul is the key ingredient, but if your body affects the way your soul feels, then improve away, my friend. Key here is to change if YOU want to. If we don't like an outfit, we change it. You don't have to accept the outfit. You can try something else on for size. But remember that looking like society's idea of beautiful won't make your soul beautiful, too, and it's okay to want to create yourself. But you are more than your weight. The biggest problems in life can only be solved by the soul.

6. Take a philosophical standpoint. My personal favourite is Existentialism - which is the view that reality and what exists is person to ourselves, in our minds only. Existentialism is awesome because it allows for everything to exist, and solves a whole lot of petty arguments. My favourite example of this is the religion/God thing - if someone believes in God, then their idea of this God exists to them, in their mind, and is just as real as the idea of no god in other peoples'. Because at the end of the day, the past is not tangible, not real anymore, all just a construct in our head of certain memories. The only thing that is truly alive is the present as it is through our eyes this very split second, and what's real in our minds in the present is what exists around the world. For me, as someone who isn't particularly interested in religion, it allows for God to exist and not exist at the same time. It allows for all opinions, interpretations and ideas to be true if I entertain them to be. 

7. Feminism is ridiculously important. If your idea of feminism is angry women hating on men, you aren't thinking about real feminism. 

Feminism is the notion that women are people. That we are more than just sexual objects, or decoration to a man's life. That our worth extends beyond our looks and ability to bear children, and that being a woman itself is not parallel to being weak, hysterical or anything less than a man. Extend that to issues of pay, harassment, the media, whatever you like. But this is the underlying notion.

Call it feminism, call it equality, call it whatever you wish. But we 20-something women have the right to be proud of our gender, to give ourselves credit, and to fight and talk about the issues that still face us in this world.

8. Our brains our incredible things. When awake, the brain generates enough electricity to power a small lightbulb, who'da thunk it?! I would highly recommend this talk by Jill Bolte Taylor for an enlightening, moving look at our brains, and her experience of a stroke.

9.  Relationships are a tiny slice of life. It look me far too long to grasp this, but I'm glad I got there! There's so much incredible stuff around us all on a daily basis - sometimes, when I drive, I literally flip out with excitement at the idea that I am driving on the surface of a planet just hanging there in space, like WHAT THE HELL HOW COOL IS THAT?!

There's so much knowledge to soak up, so many awesome experiences to have and fun to make, and I know from experience that a lot of ladies feel the pressure to constantly be on the lookout for a relationship of some sort. The pressure to have love in our lives is intense, and I would invite any woman to take comfort in the fact that she is already whole, no other half missing. Your time is ticking, don't waste it on a tiny portion of your life. Contrary to popular belief, love doesn't make the world go round. Science does. So go read up on some science. Science is reliable, science will put things in perspective and make you interesting, too! Go be in a relationship with science.

And finally

10. Don't just "Be Yourself". Create yourself.

Deconstruct,

Who do you want to be? Who is the person you visualise in all your future daydreams? 

At the end of the day, we're all sacks of pink slime searching for something, and I believe that to be happiness. So, my 20-something lady friends, let's go find out what makes us happy, and be that - do that. It's all fun, it's all just play. Soak that shit up.