Friday, 14 December 2012

Reasons Not To Be A Prick

So, usually I write blog posts with slightly nicer undertones, but all of which hopefully have some kind of helpful message.

Today is going to be no different, but this time I am going to write something I don't really like writing.

When I was about 15, I learned a very important lesson. I was a total bitch. I was mean about people behind their backs, I was selfish and not particularly kind. I was friendly to people who were friendly to me, and not as easily swayed to break friendships with people out of loyalty as others, but still, I was not Nice. Certainly not good enough, and yet I still felt like I was a "good person". I still felt like it was unfair when bad things happened to me.

Shit Happens

Then, when I was ostracised by a group of girls in the summer before my final year, I decided that enough was enough. I felt SO upset, SO alone and sad, that I decided things had to change. I decided that in my final year, no one was going to have any reason to be mean to me, because I was gonna become the nicest person ever. If I wasn't ever nasty about people (even if they were nasty towards me), then at least I knew in my heart that they must be wrong about me. I started to only think bad things, with the aim of one day not even thinking them. When I walked down the street, instead of thinking how horrible someone's outfit was, I tried to think about the things I liked about it - the colours, the way they had tried to pick out something to flatter them. I alienated myself from most of the groups - instead upholding friendly acquaintances and just trying to be nice in passing to people. I spent lunchtimes in the libraries and art room, looking up photography and starting out what would become my passion and my career.

I Will Not Sink

After I left school and went onto 6th form, my attitude got better and better, life seemed nicer and nicer. I didn't really belong to a group of friends in particular in 6th form, but was nice enough to everyone and got on well enough with everyone, without having the loyalties of a particular group to maintain.

Life seemed magical. I was so happy. I felt so good, I felt like I had figured something out that was SO precious. I would never need other things to make me happy - just love for people as a whole and love for life. People were nice to me in return. Strangers would stop me in a crowd and ask me for directions, which made me feel approachable. I got genuine compliments about my personality, and for the first time I didn't feel smug and like it was owed to me and "someone had realised" - I felt like I had seen something lovely in someone else, and that made me happy. To this day, when someone compliments me on something, I always think "they may or may not be right, but they are definitely a lovely person" or something along those lines. 

What you say about others says more about you than it does about them.

So, that leads me to today. Reasons Not To Be A Prick.

See, writing this makes me a prick. Because calling someone a bitch only makes you a bitch. So whilst I am a bit hypocritical in writing this, I wanted to be able to maybe set off a few lightbulbs in those who maybe aren't as nice as they could be or want to be, or maybe just comfort others who have already realised this.

Here We Go.

1) Don't call other people prick's, because it makes you the prick. 
I like to think that because this isn't a direct insult to anyone in particular, that makes me slightly less of a prick.

2) People can automatically question how your parents raised you. Sure - it's your responsibility to how you turn out. But if you love your parents and you want to make them proud - don't be a prick. Imagine when you have kids - do you want them to be calling people names, bullying people, being nasty and unfair? No! So don't be like that yourself.

3) It will only make you unhappy in the long run. There's a quote somewhere which sums this up really well. Something along the lines of "we dislike in others what we dislike in ourselves". The more good you see in people, the less you have to worry about yourself. What often picks me up after I've had a bad experience is knowing I didn't have bad intentions, and that I tried my hardest to get a good outcome. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, but if you apologise and mean it, there's not much else you can do.

4) There are no good outcomes. People like to think that if they call someone out for violating some moral code (Real Housewives is the perfect example of this), then someone will have an epiphany of their wrongdoings, come begging for their forgiveness and become a better person, almost as good as you. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Usually, this is what happens. You call someone out, they dislike you more, or they do something extreme and kill themselves etc, they go about with an even more disfigured trust in the human race and so do you. A la Real Housewives. All those women are SO wrapped up in being good people, and doing what is right according to themselves, that they forget that we all have different experiences and different opinions of what is right and wrong. You can't hold it against people - unless it's something universally wrong, like murder, theft, violence, racism etc. Most people start out with good intentions. If someone upsets you, all you can do is be nice about it - sit them down, explain you understand they probably had no idea on how it would make you feel and now they know for next time. They'll probably be grateful you were so nice, faith in humanity is restored and THEN they may become a better person for it!

5) You will never be able to lead a happy, fulfilled life. Extreme, I know. But think about it. If you live your life with a horrible realism that people are assholes, life is unfair and that you don't deserve any of this - then you will feel at times like your partner is one of those assholes. It holds you back from loving someone unconditionally - and I'm sure those of you who have been with partners for 30+ odd years can agree that sometimes it's unconditional love which bridges the gaps where sometimes other people can fall in. 
THE BEST BET you can EVER make is this:

If you live your life to the best of your ability - you give as much as you can, you are as nice, loving and kind as you can be. You always head out with good intentions, when people anger you - you forgive. You keep forgiving. You look on the bright side. You get up, and try again. If you can look back and think - well, I've done bloody well and really, really tried. Even though it was fucking hard. Then you can know that the bad shit isn't because you deserve it, and maybe the bad shit will teach you something and make you stronger and better. Not being a prick is the best thing you can do in life.



  1. I think it’s wonderful that you realized all that. It makes me reflect upon my own condition. I was the opposite. I’ve been nice to people for as long as I can remember. I always saw the good in people, and had compassion for them, even when they were idiots. And yet, I had no respect from them. I am 32 years old and I still struggle to forget how much I was bullied. Different lives, different lessons, eh? After reading this, I think I am going to become a total bitch…who knows? Just kidding…that’s not going to happen.

    I think you just had pride, but a distorted pride when you were younger. You knew you were worth it but you had to go through some adjustments. I think people are nice to those who are nice to THEMSELVES, end of. If you like yourself people will like you, but being nice to them makes life easier because after all, we need other people. Therefore, being nice to others is also a way of being nice to yourself. Survival instincts and all of that... If you are nice to other people without being nice to yourself you’re screwed! Take a tip from one who’s tried.

    Good on you, Rosie!

  2. Awesome.... :) wish people change the way they think and act after reading this :)

  3. Great post. But to be fair, I think almost everyone is kind of a jerk at 15. ;) The sad part is when people don't grow past that stage as you so gracefully have done yourself. Keep sending out those positive vibes, Rosie! :)

  4. Fantastic post! I completely agree and its great so see others spreading the message :)

  5. Some true and NICE words you've written here. I usually don't read lengthy/texty blog posts, but I enjoyed this and made me so calm.

    Thank you. I may or may not be right about you being a nice person, but I'd like to think so :)

  6. This is so lovely to hear from someone else, I feel exactly the same and try to love everyone I meet because I have been treat badly before and I dont want anyone to feel that way coming from me. I know Im not perfect but I set out to be kind to everyone. I think the world would be a much nicer place if we all followed your advice :) Thanks very much Rosie :)

  7. If only more people could learn this in a heartfelt & true way, the world would be so much better. Kudos to you for realizing it, admitting it, & making the successful effort to change: it takes much courage to grow as you have. A humble thank you for sharing your journey & letting your real light shine so that others might find their way.

  8. This is so true! Kind of makes me reflect on my own self, and the events happening around me these days.
    Thanks for this amazing brightening notion Rosie! :D

  9. This is a lovely post! I definitely believe in positive energy, and this made me think that I should be more conscious of my thoughts towards others, to focus on the good and not the bad!

  10. Carolin from Berlin27 December 2012 at 07:00

    Thanks for that post. this is what i've always in my mind, but sometimes became doubtful. it can be so hard to be nice and kind and patient all the time -thinking of the good in man - and than not be treated well back.
    Nevertheless, yout take the words out of my mouth and it makes me very happy and hopeful that others, especially of the young people have such a clear feeling of (as you said) "faith in humanity".
    Treat others the way you want to be treaten by others. Be kind, nice and gracious. It is worth it!

  11. Very true. Inspires me to do better...

  12. i think we were all dicks when we were 15 and drinking (or in your case not drinking) on the slopes eh? fair play and well done with all your photos, they are wicked!

  13. I love this and I love you. Be the good you want to see in the world!

  14. Best thing to read this morning morning! Thank you!