Monday, 7 April 2014

Learning To Be Free

What an eye-opening month it has been!

A month ago I felt very lost. In a 5* Hotel in an amazing country. 
I was sitting there, crying like I hadn't cried before. Like a teenager rejected by her crush. Like someone trapped. Like I had nothing to look forward to. I didn't feel like I had anything to look forward to.

I looked at my life and I didn't like it. But I had it all?

I have an amazing job. My Facebook posts get a ton of likes. I get to go to 5* hotels for FREE because an awesome celebrity took a liking to me and made me her friend. I had endless inquiries for work, endless people tugging at my sleeve, endless people telling me I was great. And I have never felt so empty, and never felt so ungrateful.

I'll tell you what, money ain't all that.
The high life ain't all that.

What I thought were my life-goals, dreams a few years ago have turned out to be very empty and shallow without the magic ingredient which is passion, which is happiness.

Since stopping taking on paid work, I have felt alive like never before. I fill my spare time with endless googling, endless searching for inspiration, endless planning and friends and life and enjoyment. It's raining so hard right now and I'm pretty sure that after I post this I'm gonna go for a run in it.

Instead of listening the song, I started to feel it.
I've let my imagination override my compulsion to work, 
I've let my desire to create override my desire to earn

And maaaan it feels good.

The thing that scares me in this life is making the wrong choice. I'm scared to have no money, scared to be alone, scared to be unhappy, scared to be a failure, scared to be a bad person. I've been so terrified of all these things, I haven't let myself enjoy life like I could. And that's okay, because I'll enjoy it so much deeper now. That rain is going to burn through my skin and fall straight into my eyes and I am going to really, really feel it.

I am a storm. I am a force. I don't care. I am going to get drunk, throw my head back and dance like I am an awesome dancer. I am going to love so fiercely and be so kind and sing so loudly to songs that I don't care if you don't like. I don't care, but I care about you. I care that you are happy, too. Like this. It's ace.


  1. Absolutely. You hit the nail on the head.

  2. Such good thoughts. So excited to see what you come up with!

  3. Great article, have you seen the film about Bill Cunningham? He chooses not to get paid for his photography so that he can keep his freedom :)

  4. I admire you're bravery. You're pursuit of happiness is contagious. I look forward to seeing your new inspirations :)

  5. You're so strong and you'll be always my biggest inspiration!

  6. Rosie, dont fall in the trap that you have created in your head. Depreciation is a bitch and honestly, run away from it. You are an amazing person and a photographer. You will archive everything you want, just dont over think things. xx

  7. I really loved this.. you're an inspiration

  8. I used to think of myself as scared too, until I realised the thrill of it is all a part of what makes a person wholesome.And being whole is the ultimate way of living life to the fullest. I'm glad you are working through your crisis, and I hope things work out perfectly for you!

  9. I've lived this period not so much time ago and I fully understand you! :) You have to rebuild all your life thanks to your own decision, right or wrong. In any case, you always learn new things and this process enriches you enormously.
    You're great and you'll never be a failure, since you've done everything with your heart! :)

  10. A powerful and, at times, testing process. There seems to be such a groundswell of people in who the creative energy that we are can no longer tolerate being contained in the narrow molds that we have created for ourselves. Good luck with it all.

  11. I can so relate in a lot of ways...not the being famous with money part though :) Be happy & free girl!

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